Faggy Resolutions For 2008

1. Buy a subscription to Playgirl magazine.

2. Repaint your living room “frosted berry cc-8″ from Benjamin Moore. If you don’t like that color you can go with “prairie lily cc-98. “

3. Start collecting Barbie dolls or some other girly things.

4. Never masturbate without looking at pictures of sexy guys. If you were too chicken to buy that Playgirl subscription, GQ will do.

5. For only 6,499$ you can buy your own boyfriend here. I was kind and selected the seven inch dick for you. If you’re a slut, though, you can get the nine inches. I believe anally penetrating your new boyfriend is optional—but really, you just want that dick anyways, don’t you?

6. If you’re really into humiliation, buy this boyfriend.

7. Now this is one all of you should be doing anyways, but if you’re not you should be penetrating your boi-pussy at least once a week. Make sure you stretch it out nicely, moving up to larger dicks every few weeks.

8. Here’s some gay music for you to own and leave lying around the house in places your friends are sure to see: Elton John, Queen, Prince, Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys, George Michael, Kylie Minogue.

9. Keep your freezer well-stocked with popsicles. Show off that oral fixation!

10. Buy and display some gay art.

It’s time to move out of your comfort zone and to start doing some things that are going to bring your sexuality into question. You’ll enjoy the sideways looks you’ll get because of the Resolutions: every time you see someone wondering if you’re gay, it will give you an immediate and powerful errection.

For some forcedbi phone call: Mistress Jamie 1-800-356-6169

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